Tag Archives: Fruit and Vegetable

Eating When You Can’t Taste Your Food

San Pellegrino

I want to marry that star. Or any cast member from the Harry Potter films, I'm not picky. Image via Wikipedia

I have a cold. My mother has a cold. We got this cold from my family over Thanksgiving. We now hate that side of the family. (And there goes me ever being invited back again. Which is a shame as I really, really like that side of the family.)

One of the troubles of having a cold is that not only do you have zero energy to prepare a meal you also can’t taste anything that you eat. For someone who enjoys food with a passion this is bloody annoying.

Tonight- Miracle of Miracles!- I had a lovely dinner and could taste every bite. For your reading pleasure here’s tonight’s menu:

  • San Pellegrino Limonata. This delightful sparkling beverage is sharp and lemony and one of my drugs of choice. I have four empty cans in my room right now.
  • Garlic Bread. Lots of garlic and melted butter spread over toasted slices of homemade bread. Did I mention that the bread was homemade? And only two hours out of the oven? And delicious?
  • Matzah Ball Soup. For some reason people seem to regard Matzah ball soup as bland (maybe it’s just North East Kingdom Vermonters) but the truth is that as long as you put in enough seasonings from the packet you can taste it just fine. Matzah balls are my other drug of choice (they’re readily available and easy to snort.)
  • Apple Sauce. Homemade apple sauce. From the trees in our (neighbor’s) back yard. Jealous yet?

Good heavens that was a fantastic meal. Much better than last night’s meal (a non-vegetarian sandwich from the Amtrak cafe car) and strong enough to taste from miles away. And the best part is that tomorrow I get Matzah balls for lunch. My life is just about complete. Now all I need is to hunt down Daniel Radcliff’s street address…



Filed under The Pantry

Food To Keep People Away

One of my favorite things about living in a rather isolated Vermont town is that most of the food I enjoy are somewhat of a cultural oddity to my schoolmates (tofu, tofurkey, vegetable sprouts, carrots). The looks I receive are pretty priceless (today’s sandwich, an open faced tofam, cream cheese on a sesame seed bagel brought a few “fuck”s and lots of suspicious squinty eyed looks) and that really just encourages me to keep things up. My main encourager to continue eating “unusual” foods is the fact that it keeps away the undesirables in my school. If you can’t handle raw maple-ginger tofu than you can’t handle the Lady Jane.

Seitan, or braised gluten (a much more unappealing name that has even better results), is high on my list. It comes in an oily sauce and looks like dog testes (we dissected these in eighth grade so I am not just picking a horrifying metaphor but rather being fairly literal). I eat them cold and slimy and the more pungent the better. Even my closer friends (or at least my more tolerant schoolmates) tend to shy away from me during lunch or snack time when I break out my mason jar of testes. Today however was a first, I have this female friend, a lovely girl about three years younger than me who I’ve built up a sibling relationship with, actually ate one. Never, let me repeat that, never have I had to share my seitan before. She told me it was too greasy and we both agreed that if I siphoned off the sauce it would be more appealing. Than she tried to take my lemon button cookies (they’re local!) and I tried to hit her.

A final note on the subject before I need to finish my American Literature test: Quorn Chick’n Nuggets. Besides being delicious they are extremely use full at fending off rednecks and raising eyebrows. The whole secret to using these properly is making use of their deceptive qualities. These meatless and soyless products are spot on imitations for the real deal (and not just based off of appearances, they taste fairly similar as well) and so if you can spare one than allow your target to enjoy it before casually mentioning, “The great thing is that they’re meatless! Mycoprotein is such a blessing, isn’t it?” You’ll get a queer look which is your cue to explain how they just at fungus. It’s delightfully fun.

Alright, it’s nearing five-thirty here in the Green Mountains so I’m going to chop up some potatoes, grate some cheddar, open a can of black beans and pop it in the oven.


Filed under The Pantry